Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Are you for SERIOUS?!?

I don't even really know what to write.  I spent large chunks of yesterday being seriously weepy if not down right sobbing.  I blame a large chunk of it on pregnancy hormones, but I know I would have cried even if I wasn't pregnant.  So maybe having an easy out was good. :)

We spent our last official therapy session at CPD yesterday.  We took Lisa and Shirley some pictures we colored, we chewed lots of food mommy managed to bring in, Lisa gave us special papers, and mommy started crying.  For real, serious, crying.  Cried in the office.  Cried on the car ride home.  And cried at home.  Charlie sat in the back of the car bewildered and kept asking "what you worrying about Mommy?"  I couldn't even blubber out that I wasn't worrying, just this strange mix of relief/excitement/apprehension/pride/grief/tiredness.  He wouldn't have gotten it anyways, so it's a good thing he eventually gave up and just said "it's okay!  you saw a paramedic truck!".  

I did choke out some giggles.  What a relief he knows just what to say.

For three years we have have trekked to CPD on a weekly or biweekly basis.  I have made pureed foods so much longer than I anticipated.  (Till Charlie was 2 1/2 years old.)  The only peaceful meals I've had are ones where he was napping or at someone else's house (which was rare since monitoring Charlie's eating was more involved and I didn't want most people to have to mess with it).  I have chewed so much food with my mouth open, chanted innumerable times "chew, chew, keep chewing!"  "use your big boy teeth."  "make your tongue move it to the side."  "don't swallow until you've chewed it.", tried so many mouth exercises, nearly broke down multiple times over trying to do nursing, pumping, bottle feeding and bottle exercises all at the same time.  Oh wait, there were definitely break downs.  And we have been through 4 therapists.

Lisa has been our most recent and last therapist.  I forget when we started with her, but I think it's been at least 14 months or so.  She's been patient, encouraging, supportive, understanding, excited for our new addition coming up, and really encouraging through all the tired, sick pregnancy weeks where I knew I wasn't as on top of Charlie's work as I should have been.  She's been great.  We'll be sad not to see her on a regular basis now.  We'll be sad not to see everyone at CPD actually.  When you spend 3 years walking into the same office on a near weekly basis, you do become attached.

So today, we were given the golden piece of information that we are done with active therapy.  I've been dying to hear that nearly the whole time we've been going, yet I'm so apprehensive about being on our own.  Truthfully, we will most likely go back in a couple times after we get settled in with the new baby, for sporadic check ups to make sure things are still looking good.  This isn't goodbye forever.  Actually, I'd still take the baby back in to show him off, and to visit with everyone even if it was goodbye forever, because we WILL miss them.  But along with my shear joy of being released from active therapy, really does come a great deal of apprehension.  Charlie has made tons of big strides in the last 8 months.  He really has grown up and improved and overcome lots of eating issues.  But I know we aren't perfect.  I know there are textures he still struggles with.  I know this won't be the end of my chanting "chew, chew, more chewing".  And I know every meal won't be easy breezy from here on out.

But for now.  We. Are. Done.  :-D

And I couldn't be more grateful.    Thank you Lord for seeing us through.

And now it's off to another baby doctor appt! :-D

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