Are you for SERIOUS?!?

I don't even really know what to write.  I spent large chunks of yesterday being seriously weepy if not down right sobbing.  I blame a large chunk of it on pregnancy hormones, but I know I would have cried even if I wasn't pregnant.  So maybe having an easy out was good. :)

We spent our last official therapy session at CPD yesterday.  We took Lisa and Shirley some pictures we colored, we chewed lots of food mommy managed to bring in, Lisa gave us special papers, and mommy started crying.  For real, serious, crying.  Cried in the office.  Cried on the car ride home.  And cried at home.  Charlie sat in the back of the car bewildered and kept asking "what you worrying about Mommy?"  I couldn't even blubber out that I wasn't worrying, just this strange mix of relief/excitement/apprehension/pride/grief/tiredness.  He wouldn't have gotten it anyways, so it's a good thing he eventually gave up and just said "it's okay!  you saw a paramedic truck!".  

I did choke out some giggles.  What a relief he knows just what to say.

For three years we have have trekked to CPD on a weekly or biweekly basis.  I have made pureed foods so much longer than I anticipated.  (Till Charlie was 2 1/2 years old.)  The only peaceful meals I've had are ones where he was napping or at someone else's house (which was rare since monitoring Charlie's eating was more involved and I didn't want most people to have to mess with it).  I have chewed so much food with my mouth open, chanted innumerable times "chew, chew, keep chewing!"  "use your big boy teeth."  "make your tongue move it to the side."  "don't swallow until you've chewed it.", tried so many mouth exercises, nearly broke down multiple times over trying to do nursing, pumping, bottle feeding and bottle exercises all at the same time.  Oh wait, there were definitely break downs.  And we have been through 4 therapists.

Lisa has been our most recent and last therapist.  I forget when we started with her, but I think it's been at least 14 months or so.  She's been patient, encouraging, supportive, understanding, excited for our new addition coming up, and really encouraging through all the tired, sick pregnancy weeks where I knew I wasn't as on top of Charlie's work as I should have been.  She's been great.  We'll be sad not to see her on a regular basis now.  We'll be sad not to see everyone at CPD actually.  When you spend 3 years walking into the same office on a near weekly basis, you do become attached.

So today, we were given the golden piece of information that we are done with active therapy.  I've been dying to hear that nearly the whole time we've been going, yet I'm so apprehensive about being on our own.  Truthfully, we will most likely go back in a couple times after we get settled in with the new baby, for sporadic check ups to make sure things are still looking good.  This isn't goodbye forever.  Actually, I'd still take the baby back in to show him off, and to visit with everyone even if it was goodbye forever, because we WILL miss them.  But along with my shear joy of being released from active therapy, really does come a great deal of apprehension.  Charlie has made tons of big strides in the last 8 months.  He really has grown up and improved and overcome lots of eating issues.  But I know we aren't perfect.  I know there are textures he still struggles with.  I know this won't be the end of my chanting "chew, chew, more chewing".  And I know every meal won't be easy breezy from here on out.

But for now.  We. Are. Done.  :-D

And I couldn't be more grateful.    Thank you Lord for seeing us through.

And now it's off to another baby doctor appt! :-D

32-37 Weeks!

32-37 weeks, moving from L to R, starting at the top.

Being pregnant with a toddler is hard.  My hats are off to all the mamas out there who are pregnant with multiple kiddos already.  I know you grow and stretch gradually as God gives you things, but wow trying to imagine this pregnancy with more than one kiddo is hard.

Actually, let me retract that.  Trying to imagine this 3rd trimester with more than one kiddo has been hard.  The rest of the pregnancy I probably could have done with more than one kiddo.  This third trimester has presented with all the typical 3rd trimester aches and pains, plus weird anxiety and insomnia, plus a lower back that has basically given up on me and refuses to work.

Let's all take note that the lower back is not the fault of this baby.  Well, I mean, the babe's partially to blame in that if he weren't here, I'd have full use of my muscles and that darned grocery bag would not have presented so heavy.  Yes, it was a grocery bag that did my back in.   Admittedly, I usually grumble about my grocery baggers under-filling my reusable bags, thereby requiring me to still take home multiple plastic bags on each trip.  Grumble grumble.  Don't they get that my reusable bags are more awesome than that and can heft some serious weight?  However, about 2 weeks ago (gosh probably 3 at this point), I had an over-zealous bagger who over-filled my reusable bags.  Except I didn't catch this phenomenon until I was mid-lift with one of these grocery bags and felt sharp shooting pains all in my right lower back.  I think it was a bag of all cans, disguised with some fluffy produce at the top.

Oh so deceiving and oh so cruel.

Let's just say I've pretty much been limping around ever since and in almost constant pain.  Charlie and I have resorted to so much couch time that I really feel bad for him.  Of course he's not feeling bad because it involves movies and ipad.  :-P

The good news is, I'm still healthy, the baby is still doing well, and I'VE HIT 37 WEEKS AND AM ALLOWED TO GO INTO LABOR ANYTIME I WANT NOW!!!!

Okay maybe that's anytime the baby is ready now.  Wish I could do anytime I wanted. :-)

Actually, I'm in pain so much of the time now that I feel like I constantly grumble.  Not a realization I'm proud of.  Let's see how many things I can be thankful for.

1. Baby is healthy.

2. Baby is not measuring extremely big right now (oh I beg of thee, let him stay that way and not jump up to 9 or 10lbs or something).

3. I can still move period.  Even if it is slow.  and limping.  and painful.  It's not bed rest.

4. My husband has a job that allows me to have stopped teaching at this point, which means I have less needed movement.

5. L&D bags are packed and thanks to some friends, I've gotten more of my house cleaned than I would have on my own. :-)

6. My son still gleefully volunteers kisses to my growing belly, and really does appear to be excited for baby brother's arrival.  (Even if he retracts some of that joy when he sees how busy mommy becomes.)

7. At max I have another 5 weeks of this.  Even if not an ounce of my being wants to think about that scenario, 5 weeks still technically better than having 10 weeks of this left.  I should remind myself of that.

8. I have fresh Farmer's Market crowder peas cooking right now, and I am TOTALLY looking forward to eating them.

9. My mother has, in deference to my birthday request, agreed to bring me a large bag full of ready to steam (meaning washed and de-stemmed) Farmer's Market kale, once a week, for 6 weeks postpartum, just so that I can have my beloved steamed kale, brown rice and tangy tahini dressing while recovering with a newborn, without all the extra work of taking care of the kale myself.  LOVE THAT MOM! :)

10.  I get to hold sweet little baby boy in my arms sooner rather than later, and that my friends, despite the pain, makes my heart glad.


There. Now that I'm on a roll, there are lots of things I should be more thankful for.  But so as not to bore you, I'll cease listing.  That list was more for my personal benefit to remind myself that no matter how much pain I'm in, there are still things in life worth being thankful for.


Feel free to come any day now baby boy!  We love you already and are eagerly awaiting your arrival. :-)

Love,
Mama

Aaaaaand it happened

Disaster struck today.  Not in the form of house burning, broken legs, credit card fraud, or early labor.

No friends, it was in the form of this....

Can't tell what's going on?  Look closer...

Notice how the finger is actually inside the elephant?  

Yeaaaaa.....  We came out to the car from his therapy today and found that Lully had magically developed a nice rip in his back.  I say magically because that was the first I saw of it.  I would assume that just sitting in the car didn't make his back magically burst open, but since Charlie seemed just a dreadfully shocked and upset as I was (just kidding...about me, not him), I assume he was at least unaware of when he aided and abetted this rip happening.  Or, you know, it happened magically.

Oh. My. Word.  The car ride home was painful with lots of weeping and wailing over Lully's sad state. Of course half way home when I asked to look at him again, (to examine him for repairs), the rip had of course become bigger due to someone picking at it, and by the time we made it home, Charlie was pulling what can only be considered the pitiful last remains of Lully's stuffing, out of the now even larger hole.  And yet while aiding and abetting Lully's growing wound, Charlie still was just as distressed and upset that Lully had a hole in him.  In fact, in the brief intervals between moaning and crying on the way home, I heard Charlie in a quiet voice, comforting his beloved saying, "Iss okay Lully.  Isss okay."

Be still, my melting heart.

So Lully is in for repairs tomorrow morning.  Why not this afternoon you ask, since this is after all the beloved lovey?  Because this is the perfect opportunity to finish gutting the darn thing, remove the rock hard broken music box that no longer works and has even given a black eye when Daddy accidentally threw Lully at an unprepared Charlie, and restuff him with fiberfill.  And I don't have fiberfill.  But my mother does.  So tomorrow morning, I will go and restuff this grubby little elephant and we will see how much more life he actually has in him.

Oh yea, the fiberfill?  He once had a belly full of fiberfill and the working music box.  Overtime it seemed to unexplainably disappear as well, till it seemed that only the hard music box was left.  Well, now I know why all we could feel was the music box.

We'll continue along in the magic vein and say that either the fiberfill managed to magically disappear out of Lully's belly, or somehow all that fluff managed to magically compact into the nothingness you see above.  (Courtesy of Charlie very distressedly pulling all the stuffing out today in the car.)

So there is today's disaster.  I knew it would happen eventually.  

Also I feel like you should know that my son came up to me this morning with something in hand and said to me "you get this at Bah-fee-ahn?"  And it took me a good couple minutes of staring and thinking and asking again before I figured out that he was saying "Bed Bath & Beyond".

Who knew the kid even remembered the store name?  So there you go.  "Bah-fee-ahn" is the new code name for BB&B.  Pass it on kids.

Nut Bombs!

So many things I mean to post about.  So few posted.

These little yum balls are me and Charlie's latest go to health bomb/treat/bribe to get him to eat his lunch.

Actually, it really started because I needed a bit more iron in my preggo diet, and I was tired of grabbing handfuls of plain pumpkin seeds and sunflower seeds, so I remembered a post I had read long ago about something like this, and then promptly set to work experimenting.  

These little nut bombs are packed with good nutrition!  Healthy fats, protein, fiber, and whatever vitamins and minerals your particular nuts and seeds are high in.  Which makes these especially awesome for little kids to eat, but you can eat them too. :)

The nice thing about these things is that they are SUPER SIMPLE.  And totally flexible with ingredients.  I am making them to cater to my higher iron needs, so I am using mostly sunflower, pumpkin and some almonds, but you could easily do mostly almonds, walnuts and cashews, stick with just one or two nuts/seeds, or toss in a small handful of every nut you have in the house.

So here is the recipe...and really by recipe, I just mean a set of guidelines.  Seriously.  Do whatever you want to do.

Nut Bombs!

2c. raw nuts or seeds (almond, walnut, cashew, pecan, sunflower, pumpkin, sesame, etc)

      -my current go to is about 3/4 each sunflower and pumpkin, and 1/2c almond

1-2c dried fruit (dates, raisins, cherries, cranberries, blueberries, etc)

      -I generally stick with mostly raisins (cause they are cheap), and some dates (because I like the

flavor)

Any extra add ins (optional): I will toss in 1-2Tbsp of hemp, flaxmeal, chia, raw cacao, or unsweetened coconut - or all of them!  I've also started adding 1-2tsp of ground cinnamon, and up to 1 tsp of ground ginger for a nice spicy kick.

Place all nuts/seeds in processor and pulse/process till nuts are turned into a fine meal.  Start adding dried fruit little bits at a time (1 PITTED date at a time, 1/4c raisins at a time, you get the idea).  The amount of dried fruit I use varies each time.  Continue processing till mixture comes together*.  Once mixture comes together, and is sticky enough to squish together (but still crumbly and not nut buttery), scoop mixture out 1 Tbsp at a time and roll into balls.  Keep in the fridge for 7-10 days.  

*So this whole "mixture comes together"thing is the only even slightly difficult part of this.  The more you process nuts, the more the oils release.  If you are trying to use closer to 1c instead of 2c of nuts, be sure to process the nuts a little more, to release more oils, to make getting to the "sticky" part, a little easier with less fruit.  If it doesn't matter how much dried fruit you use and aren't watching sugar intake, then the increased fruit provides the necessary stickiness to hold these things together.  Whatever you do, don't process the nuts enough that they start to turn nut buttery.  But that really does take a long time.

And that's it folks.  Really I think I might have over explained them with that last paragraph, but I remember being slightly baffled the first time I went from really crumbly dough, to much more oily, sticky dough.  So you got the explanation early.

If you are feeling fancy, roll these little suckers in some shredded unsweetened coconut.  And whatever you do, try not to eat them all at once.  

Actually you could.  They are pretty darn healthy.

But of course these are mostly nuts and seeds, so if you are watching your fats and oils, don't eat them all. If you aren't watching your fat intake, eat away. :-)

And of course, enjoy. :-)

30 & 31 Weeks!

Ha-HA!  Finally *almost* caught up again.  (Still have to post today's 32 week picture.) These were taken in the last 2 weeks.  I have to admit, that somewhere in the last 2 weeks I have suddenly gone from "I'm starting to feel big and pregnant and big" to "Ughh, I feel so BIG and uncomfortable!"

And yet....  I know that this is still not that big. I know that BIG comes at 36 weeks, and 38 weeks and [hopefully not] 41 weeks.

BUT, that does not mean that I'm not feeling it already.  Just in the last week, after I got a huge de-cluttering thing crossed off my pre-baby list, I had my first thought of "if I could just get a couple more things cleaned up in this house, I'd be ready to have this baby out".  Doesn't bode well for another 8 weeks or so.

Oh well.  :-)  Little baby will be out soon enough and I'll be wishing I could keep him safe inside me for just a little bit longer.  I'm grateful for another couple months of just our 3 person family. :)

30 Weeks!

31 Weeks!
(a little bed head anyone?)

Hello pretty tanks!  So nice for the heat.  I throw them on with my shorts or my denim skirt and life is cool.  The pink one (and a black one) came from my wonderful mother-in-law for my birthday.

Oh yea, I hit my birthday a week ago Saturday.  What did I do for my birthday?  Totally spent 2 solid days of child-free, birthday bash, husband home, organizing and decluttering.

It. Was. Amazing.

So I think that means I really am an adult - being willing, and excited even, to spend two days with my husband de-cluttering and cleaning out.  Actually I mentioned that to a man at church, and he was like "that doesn't sound like a fun birthday" to which I replied, "well, maybe that officially makes me a mom then, not an adult".

Hah!  Guess I'm a for real mom.  Organizing for my birthday and LOVING IT!

Or maybe it's just the crazy nesting taking over.... or both.


Mama, loves you nameless little boy.

27-29 weeks!

Here we are in July.  Finally starting to get moderately uncomfortable in the heat.  I expected to be much more uncomfortable in the heat before now, but it really hasn't been so bad thankfully.

27 Weeks!

 This shirt is really awesome, and it was actually a good will find!  Yay!  Super comfy, flattering and cool in the heat.

28 Weeks!

This is definitely not my favorite picture of me, but I love the new dress I picked up - for $15!  It's actually still not maternity, just brilliantly designed with some extra in the front.  Tee hee hee.  But I'm pretty sure it won't be fitting at 36 weeks.  I'm crossing my fingers that this one, and my blue stripe one, will not be so stretched out, that I can't wear them post partum again. And the cut of the top looks incredibly nursing friendly.  Oh yea, we are praying hard for the good nursing this time around.

29 Weeks!

By 29 weeks, I was really starting to feel the "I'm really getting big and pregnant and uncomfortable".  And finally I broke down and bought a couple maternity tank tops.  I had been scraping by on T-shirts on loan, and my husbands undershirts.  Hah, yea.  I was walking around in the "wife beaters".  But when my belly started to poke out the bottom, I knew it was time to stop stretching out my husbands clothes and buy some of my own.  So the colorful tanks you see in future pictures are some Target tanks I picked up, much to my husband's relief. ;-)

This kiddo really started picking up in his kicking at this point - which, as I always say, I never tire of.  Even the kicking in the middle of the night.  It's just such an INCREDIBLE feeling, even the painful ones, that it's really just fascinating instead of bothersome.  But that's just me. :)

Love you baby boy.

24-26 weeks!

Let's see....these were back in June.  

24 Weeks!

25 Weeks!
(Ooops!  So far the only week I've forgotten to take a picture.)

26 weeks!

Totally didn't realize that I was going to end up with back to back pictures in the same shirt.  To be fair,  week 25 was a couple days before we headed to the beach for the weekend and I just plain forgot until we got back on Monday - the day before the next week picture....so there was no point in taking it.